When Band Aids Don't Help

 Do you ever hurt do deeply that you can feel it in your heart or your soul? I had two recent run-ins with emotional pain, and I write about it not to ask for sympathy, but just to express myself in my little space.

I visited my family for three days, and it was wonderful to be away from the pressures of school and the chilly weather. I loved being with my siblings, with whom I have a special bond that is not possibly replicable. Spending time with my parents was equally lovely; my mom's dances and my dad's chuckle make me feel whole and happy. Leaving them hurt. A lot. But I never cry at the airport because 1.) My mom takes care of that enough for the both of us and 2.) laughing it off makes it easier to deal with. The pain that comes with familial separation is deep, and rightfully so. If I hated my family, I wouldn't have this problem. I would rather have my family and the pain than a lame family and no pain. For real.

Less recently, I liked a guy who ended up not being as fantastic as I thought he was. For a few days, this guy made me  laugh, and think, and cook pumpkin seeds in a way that I've never done it before. It was amazing. But then it all evaporated, and that was that. As I was gathering myself in preparation to write just a few minutes ago, I heard his laugh outside my window, and I felt my heart hurt again. And that sucks. That some guy can have the power to make me ache, just by laughing. I hate that. Why do I get so invested in something that is just going to cause pain later? Not sure. But I'm pretty sure that, in the guy department, it's better to stay guarded than get hurt over and over again.

So basically, I'm planning on having a good cry in the near future for two reasons:
                 1.) To give voice to my love for my family and the sadness that I feel at having to leave them.  
                 2.) To express frustration at how easily I let myself fall for guys. Lame, lame, lame.

The good news is: Tomorrow is a new day, with unlimited possibilities.