Will you go out with me?

It's Girls' Choice week in our ward. All of the girls were told by our church leaders to go and ask a boy in our ward on a date. Our apartment went through the process of asking boys last night, a process that is more intense than a Supreme Court nomination hearing. Seriously.

The process of a girl asking a boy out is never simply "girl plans date, girl picks guy, girl calls guy, girl asks guy, guy says yes or no." It's just not the way it works. Let me explain. And keep in mind that girls almost always do this kind of thing in a group.

First: The girls congregate in a room, having already made the decision to go on a group date. The room should be well-lit; should any excited flailing or depressed rocking in the fetal position occur, it is best to be able to see so as not to smash into things (walls, beds, desks with sharp corners, each other, etc...).

Second: The girls begin to list possibilities for who each should go out with. Each girl comes up with at least two boys to ask, and suggests choices for others to ask. If there are overlaps in date options, a negotiation process begins that goes a bit like this: "You should ask him." "No, YOU should ask him." No, no, really, I want YOU to ask!" "No, seriously, I will be sad if you don't ask him." "K fine, but only if you are REALLY okay with me asking him." "Yes, for reals, but you know, if you're not sure, I can ask him instead." "K then you ask him." And so on.

Third: Each girl must  either support or refute another girl's choices. The support or the refute must be audible (and by audible I mean people two floors beneath us will be able to say, "Hmm, not sure who that girl was supporting, but I'm going to say that there's some definite 'yes' vibes there."). Also, the "yea" or "nay" to a boy must be accompanied by a reason. Reasons can be as deep as "He talks a lot about himself, and if you are going to have fun, you want to have an even conversation, so maybe you shouldn't ask him" or they can be more simple: "He's weird. Don't ask him."

Fourth: Based on her own perceptions and the support of her friends, the girl chooses a boy to ask, and calls him up, usually outside the room. The dialing process is done with the precision of a watchmaker, because heaven forbid that the girl call the wrong number.

Fifth: When the boy picks up, it is necessary and proper to carry on a short, flirtatious conversation involving small talk, and then casually asking a boy out, and providing him with the details (when, where, what, why......NO JUST KIDDING, DO NOT TELL HIM WHY YOU ASKING HIM OUT! THOSE REASONS ARE TO STAY CONFINED TO THE AIR SPACE OF THE ROOM THAT THE CHOOSING/DEBATING HAS TAKEN PLACE IN.)

Sixth: While the other girls are listening, the boy responds with a yes - "Yes, I would love to." Or no - "I'm sorry, I'll be out of town." A maybe - "I might have plans that night." may also be a response. Once a response is received, the girl calmly concludes the conversation and goes back into the room where the other girls are waiting.

Seventh (and finally) - When the girl reenters, depending on the response she is given, she is met by either strains from the Hallelujah chorus, looks of dismay and cries of support, or "WHAT?!?!? He MIGHT have plans already? What a freak! He doesn't deserve you anyway." Then comes the asker's outburst of emotion, either weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, or excited dancing not unlike that of pro football players who have just scored a touchdown.

So what can we learn from all of this? That if the UN were ever dominated by women, the UN council meeting place would need to be a soundproofed room with padded walls? Maybe, but probably not.

I would conclude that this kind of thing makes life exciting, that fun and happiness and laughter and tears and sadness are all parts of this fantastic life that we are living. The fact that God gave us the capacity to feel so strongly about things big and small is amazing, and I can't wait to keep riding the emotional roller coaster of life. Hopefully though, our apartment won't participate in these Girls' Choice weeks too much; we would probably lose at least one girl every month to heart attack/aneurism.